sometimes, i dont realise why i do things
i know that i wasnt suppose to
i realise now that what i did affect people
i'm sorry for taking your space
not going to do it again
i will understand and give you all the space that u need
really, i will

i'm wishing that everything comes back to normal. to where it was to be. i dont want us to be memories only. i will do what i want me too. too undrstand to be there. im trying my best to let you get all that you want.
had been studying for a few days and today it all ends. Yay!
Im not that excited cos i knew i did badly, for the sastera.
cikgu talk to me jus now. i was so disappointed cos i can actually make it.
i can actually pass like hell. its just that at that time my mind was everywhere.
then bio was not that difficult but i did not know how to the last section.
i dont know what question i wanted to do. i did all and choose my best answer.
but i dont feel good about it. a-maths was disasterous. did really badly.
actually i could study and at least get pass. but things wasnt that good for me that day.
my eyes swollen and my mind is just elsewhere. i cant remember the formula that i memorised
befor the test. actually felt disappointed that i am beginnig to flunk the last few papers.
didnt finish the paper. ended up writing out what i was thinking. i really cant get my mind of it.
today chemistry. it was ok at section a but when it comes to the structured question, everithing becomes super easy that i cant do most of it. While doing the last few questions. again my mind was distracted. i really cant get it of my mind.
i jus want to run away from everyone. since small this was all i wanted love from everyone including my parents who wasnt with me when im small. but when i thought i had the love it slips of me again. nenek is all i have all along. she keeps me awake that she will always be with me.
sayang nenek. she hypnotise me today until i agreed to fetch my brother from school. jahat ehk. tknk kuncikn jam nenek baru tau.
im home feeling really lonely. nenek at toilet doing idk what since jus now. i miss the times you were like before. the times you really put your heart to this. i know that i need to understand. and now i am. i tried to not go to you jus now so that you get your time. i tried to bug you less. i feel alone now. i just want someone to tell me that all this is like before. and to turn back the time for me to repair those things that ive made you.
going raya with my friends tomorrow. 2 emerald ehk. i wont back out this time to pay for what i did the last time. promise. wearing blue tomorrow. blue, yes!

(:

*as much as you want me to go out with you thats what i want from you on the 19. but if you cant then i understand. really, i do. i'm not angry. i just need a partner on that day. like all the others do. like you wanted when you went out with your friends last time.